The first few small steps have been taken, the loose ends tied up. The chance to do something not too many people get the oppurtunity to.

Come September, will I be ready to make the final jump?

I am: apprehensive

P.S. A heartening thought is Dittie moving to Bangalore. ( A & A consultants and yours truly, the BFG had their first meeting at Millers 46 yesterday)

Having read Roswitha's blog about the romaanz tag which was doing the round, i was hoping I had escaped the tag menace. But having been tagged by Kate, i shall actually go on to describe the 8 qualities of my perfect(yet imaginary) lover.

Eight qualities of the perfect louver(louvely dove as they would say in Kannada slang)..

1. Must be a nice girl. That seems so goddamn trite it isn't funny. but then must be able to deal with venting and insecurities which will be brought up constantly. Must also not take away the TV remote when the sports channel is on. Nice like that, no!!

2. She must be passionate about some kind of music. Any kind as long as it's not the stupid pop variety. Must also be able to recognise chamiya hindi numbers and must have seen Andaz Apna Apna atleast once!

3. Must be able to take jokes about her appearance. Anyway, commenting(funnily) on a woman's appearance is akin to playing tag with a piranha blindfolded! I should know, the memory remains!

4.  Must have an independent taste in books also. It's not like she has to be Chomsky like but an intelligent conversation from time to time never hurt anyone.

5. Must be able to get along with extended family of mine. they usually congregate in large numbers, sit in a line and start yelling(interrupting) as they put it. By contrast I'm soft spoken when it comes to my family. Fancy that!!

6. Must not have freaked blonde hair absolutely. Fully, natural blonde hair is perfectly fine but i feel not too many people can carry off the freaked blonde look.

7. She must get right to the point and not go around in circles. I'm as perceptive as a rock turtle. If something is bothering you, get to the point. If you say you're alright, I'll believe you. I won't be challenging that. Plus the words, 'we have to talk' can be utilised only once, at the most twice a year

8. Must be infernally good looking with a Michelle Pfeiffer like sweetness(oh how i wish this could come true). Plus, must not be the type who cares too much about her appearance, make up blah blah.

Rules of the tag:

1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. You need to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

Apart from 2-3 people who read this blog, i'm in a quandary as to whom to tag. So i tag Fatty, Dittie, Pratty, Dubs, Arjun(if he's reading this) and Krish!

It's about half past two in the morning. It is Republic Day today. But, I'm spending it at the office. Working. It's my first night out in office and there is some cheap thrill which arises from putting night out in the office even though you might bitch to everyone else about how hard you're working and all. so, please to be noting point.

 My colleagues and I have decided to take a break for half an hour and resume at two thirty after a well- deserved coffee break! So, i decided that i shall blog.

I've enrolled myself in a gymnasium to ostensibly lose weight. But the real highlight of the gym is to listen to lots of people's views on life and observe a lot of interesting things for myself.

Day 7:

Kausha is pedaling away slowly on a cycle hoping he can slowly shrink and slink away from this activity.

Fat young lady to Kausha: Are you done with the cycle?

Kausha: i'll be done in about 10 mins

Fat lady(immediately): Get off. I want to pedal!

Day 16

Kausha is sweating on a cross trainer with 7 minutes to go for the full round.

Man on treadmill to woman on cycle: Hi di, your arms are looking like very toned. You must be so fit na!

Girl: (mumbles incoherently)

Man: so, where do you want to go for New Years?

Me:WTF just happened here??

Day 21

Kausha is setting off rather purposefully to get card signed by cute lady instructor Alka.

Woman with maajorly freaked blonde hair to Naaji clone: So, it's so nice to see you here again,(jump cut to a quick caress of his muscles)

Naaji clone: Haan yaar, you're looking gorgeous btw.

Freako: Oh shut up ya. But i already knew that!

They both air kiss and go away.

Day 29

Kausha is trying to put up a semblance of doing stomach crunches and squats. It is made bearable by the fact that they were actaully playing 'Communication Breakdown' in the gym!!

Stupid instructor decides to be cool and plays ze trance music. It starts off tooguduk, tooguduk,tooguduk and the instructor starts to commence his aerobic lesson

Kausha grits his teeth and goes away. His revenge will be reserved for another day.

What is the point of these anecdotes? It is to let you know that i'm very much ok. But it is also to reiterate that I live an eventful life and ensure that my time in the gym is eventful to say the least..

It's part of life that the gym is filled with extremely good looking older women but then even worse are the leery bastards. What else? Yeah, tehy actually played "Led Zeppelin' for an hour on one day. But afterward, the trance curse seems to have hit the instructors and they actually think that all the songs are different, when actually one song will not have the 'toing' sound at the end of it like a spring unlike the others. A huge difference you'd think wouldn't you?

But, this gym has miraculously allowed me to lose weight. But, if you want to join my gym; a word of advice. Run like the wind in the opposite direction. God help you only!

A friend recently said he was starting to churn out stuff for readers and all that. He was trying to write his blog posts for his audience as a couple of his posts were picked up by Indian Uncut and DesiPundit. He felt that his posts were becoming far less frequent and he wasn’t writing for the joy of it anymore. I felt that sometime too. But then one tries to be the best at everything one does. I even wanted greater blog hits and more comments above all else.

 

But that is all passé. I wanted to write about a few things, which bothered me, and writing about them will finally give me the release I’ve been seeking.

 

I wrote a few exams recently. I did fairly well in one of them. Well, enough to place me above a large number of people. But then I was passed over for a few people below me and that rankles still. Before my actual results came, I knew I had not made the next round. But, I faced the same criticism as before. Lack of focus and intensity. But as the results trickled in, it became obvious that I had done well and a little push at the top might have seen me through to the places I supposedly wanted to go. But as the days go by and I’m learning slowly. Each day, as clichéd as that may sound is an education in itself.

 

RK told me something really important. If you experience a major disappointment, just keep yourself as occupied as possible, which would definitely place you in a better position to handle things better from there.

 

A family friend recently told me to take it easy and keep track of the person I wanted to be and not the person you perceive you should be like. To be fair to my parents, they have never placed pressure on me. There was just this time in my life where I wasn’t in a position to handle pressure too well which led to me goofing things up. But, when you have so many peers and family members who have achieved so much, it’s the small seemingly innocuous statements, which set things off. My brother had to endure a really snide remark about the fact that his parents went to IIM and he was just in Symbiosis. These are the kind of remarks, which slowly build up and develop into something big. He was furious and remarks like these have set me off as well in the past. Intense anger followed by depression and oodles of self-doubt.

 

I know I’m still chasing shadows. Shades of self- doubt envelop me, numbing me into darkness. But I know, one day that I shall show you all. As much as I say, I’m trying not to prove a point. I’d be lying. I’m telling you now, that at some level I want to look people in the eye and say I’ve achieved certain things. But that approval is something you seek from society and so do I shamelessly.

 

The caste system was an interesting thing that you usually went and did what your father did. Would that have simplified a lot of options for me I wonder? Coincidentally, my dad and me are Economics graduates. My mother is a Maths graduate and my brother is an aspiring lawyer. Coming from very supportive families whose dreams were not to see Dubba and me do Comp. Sci at IIT Madras, I am extremely grateful and thankful.

 

The last few weeks I’ve experienced various highs and lows. But also, a small thank you again to my friends who were sweet enough to call, plus really concerned about me and stay in touch during the period. As much as the space was good, I’m much happier that you decided to stay in touch and show that you cared. Also, to some friendships which look extremely promising!